Last time I wrote about the Darkness, I received threatening emails (but tamer comments) from fans one of which was foolish enough to use his school PC. I didn’t grass as it would be petty to interrupt his GCSEs over such nonsense, but I did gloat when proved right.

And yet I was rooting for Justin Hawkins to win the right to represent the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland at Eurovision. Scooch’s winning is a terrible mistake. The British public has come over all nostalgic for the great days of Bucks Fizz and Scooch did everything they could to exploit that. Hell the show was even called ‘Making Your Mind Up’ and they dug Bucks Fizz up for the night. But that was 1981 and even Eurovision’s moved on: this is nothing like Bucks Fizz.

You need a freak to win and Hawkins is that freak. But his ego had clearly got the better of him and the performance on the night was grotesquely under rehearsed.

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