Detox in 28 days… or by ‘Misery Monday’

‘A Cardiff University academic has pinpointed this Monday – 24 January – as the most depressing day of the year: a dark cocktail of foul weather, failed resolutions and overdue Christmas bills’, warned Saturday’s Independent, before launching into a vast array of useless tips on how to survive it from people without ordinary jobs to go to; novelists, comedians and suchlike. The result being that today we should go slow, avoid making decisions or taking phone calls while staying in bed (or at least napping in the afternoon) and/or embarking on a ‘grooming frenzy’. All of which is very useful to those who don’t happen to have line-managers, clients, customers or other annoying overlords.

I blame this silly detox nonsense. You’ll find the ‘Boots Detox 28 Day Plan’ over here, which doesn’t seem as bad as most: all you have to do is chew some pills. Not that I need it. Where I’m sitting it’s a fresh (okay, maybe too fresh) and sunny day that began with a morning that was noticeably lighter. Yes we’ve had some of the usual end-of-January snow, but it’s been less disruptive than usual (having failed to follow tradition and close the country for a couple of days). So not miserable at all.

But I’m all too aware that for many January is a hellish time spent on some detox diet and exercise regime. Professionally fat Radio 1 DJ, Chris Moyles, is leading a detox challege and this morning they were wobbling. There’s little point in a 28 day detox plan or any other time limited detox or diet, if you’re going to return to normal afterwards. It doesn’t even compensate for festive bingeing. Just as your body returns to whatever state it was in pre-detox, it also returns to whatever state it was in pre-binge. Now if that’s a state you don’t like, the hard truth is you need to make permanent lifestyle changes. So no chewing Boots detox pills for 28 days, it’s got be 365 or nothing.
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