Given the coverage, you might be forgiven for thinking the government was simply giving taxpayers’ money away. In fact, it’s looking to invest £9bn in the merged Lloyds TSB HBOS and Royal Bank of Scotland, at twelve per cent a year, which looks like a good investment. It was hard to have any sympathy for the small Lloyds TSB shareholder complaining on the news that his watered down holding would be virtually worthless; shareholders endorsed the banks’ reckless behaviour, taking profits in the good times. Sadly that means taking the hit when it all goes wrong.

But what’s harder to understand is Alistair Darling’s hostility to an independent HBOS. This takeover was agreed before the government had settled on its strategy for the banking crisis and setting aside competition rules always looked expedient.

Allowing capital to consolidate is always a bad thing and immediately puts jobs at risk.

Longer term this new super bank is likely to be powerful enough to restrict competition and distort the market. Once the dust has settled the government – as branch closures begin and an uncompetitive product offerings emerge – will almost certainly need to break Lloyds TSB HBOS up again.

In the US tax rebates have been predictably disappointing with less than half spent. Predictably, because if the president says ‘This sucker could go down!’ and that sucker includes your job, putting a little aside may be more of a priority than creating work for others. Over in Taiwan the government’s handing out shopping vouchers, but that’s a little gimmicky.

VAT is an obvious target because it can be cut with very little notice and immediately reduces prices in the shops, people have to spend rather than save to benefit and as it’s a regressive form of taxation that’s harder for poorer people to afford, cutting VAT is a social good.

But if we really need to get people excited a VAT holiday is the way to go with VAT cut deep but for a clearly defined period. Done right the resulting sale mentality will encourage shoppers to bring forward their purchases; upgrading their TVs now rather than later, paying for holidays before the tax comes back and – here’s a big one – enjoying cheaper fuel through the winter. Hell, the shops would need to staff up to cope with demand and everyone’s cash flow would be much healthier by the end of it.

And a nice side effect would be that having gone for the ‘tax cuts should be for life not just for Christmas’ soundbite Cameron would be left fuming that it’s Tory policy that’s attracting the Mickey Mouse jibes.

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‘… an enthusiastic Tory backbencher like me can hardly wait to switch on the Today programme every morning in order to listen to all the bad news.’
– David Cameron (January 2002)

In January 2002 David Cameron was a naive backbencher hoping for a really big crisis to bring the government down. By now he should have learnt to be careful about what he wishes for, but the election strategy he’s drawn up with bezzy mate George Osborne remains dependent on Labour slipping up and losing, rather the Tories stepping up and winning.

At first sight it is perverse that as we brace ourselves for recession it’s shadow chancellor George Osborne who is facing calls to quit. Events seem so unfair to some Tories that they’re calling foul: ‘Labour want to destroy Osborne to cheer Gordon Brown,’ whinges PragueTory; ‘Brown is out to destroy us,’ complains Iain Dale. Let’s hope they’re both right.

Last week, in keeping with the Cameron/Osborne philosophy of making minimal policy commitments, Cameron (not Osborne) promised revenue neutral national insurance holidays to businesses taking on the long term unemployed. Small suggestions like this, which fail to recognise the complexities of getting the long term unemployed into work and ignore the immediate crisis, are unlikely to excite anyone.

Set against a backdrop of Gordon Brown returning from Washington heralding a route map to save the world, the Conservatives could not look more pathetic.

So with Alistair Darling set to unveil the pre-budget report next week, when David Cameron finally stepped up to the plate this morning it should have been to say something big. Instead, he made an announcement that will matter only to political anoraks and will hardly register with the voters he needs to win over: a Conservative government would not honour Labour’s spending plans, but would develop plans of its own. The Sunday Telegraph had this story at the weekend; Oliver Letwin has been appointed to develop the new policy as Osborne isn’t up to it.

Back in January 2002, had some soothsayer told David Cameron of the events that would greet Gordon Brown in the early days of his premiership, he may well have wet himself in excitement. Summer through to autumn 2007 saw the bombing of Glasgow Airport, floods and foot and mouth. Yet the prime minister performed so well, Telegraph opinion writers fretted that the Brown Bounce would deliver Labour a victory of 1997 proportions.

This period should have taught Cameron and Osborne that the ‘wait for Labour to fail’ strategy was high risk and too dependent on events outside their control.

Should we enter the New Year with Labour back ahead in the polls, election fever will be rife once again. And, hopefully, Gordon Brown will have learnt from his mishandling of the election speculation of autumn 2007. Instead of tedious leadership speculation and populist fag packet manifestos, May or June 2009 may well see a fourth Labour victory.

Along with 10 million other mugs Katharine and I sat through several teases, the painting used in the publicity shots, a 400 year old chest, some Francis Bacon and more.

And when it turned out to be a model of the Angel of the North, we thought it must be another ruse. After all the model wasn’t discovered by the TV show at all, but has always belonged to Gateshead Council, having been used to persuade councillors to commission the project.

‘Councillor John McElroy, the cabinet member for culture and art, was speechless as Philip Mould, a fine art expert, made the shock announcement,’ reports the Telegraph. Well we missed that; he clearly knew all along!

Immediately after was some Fabergé . Ah! We thought, this is the real £1m find. But no. What nonsense. Next time they visit London, they’ll probably drag those Titians out of the National Gallery.

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