All this on day one: ‘I got a lot to tell… people say stuff about me… that’s why I done the book… I’m not like that’. What she’s not like, or so she says, is a bitch. She doesn’t have any celebrity friends, so offers rival Victoria Beckham a shoulder to cry on, ‘I know I mention David in the book, but it’s all true’. But she’s easily bated. Who would she take on in a celebrity boxing match; ‘elastic lips and weird shaped nose… give me a tenner and I’ll knock ’er out’. Anything to say to ex-boyfriend Scott? ‘Yeah. I wish you wouldn’t wear the clothes I bought you, buy your own… and bring on Jodie, like I said give me a tenner and I’ll knock ’er out’. She finishes with, ‘I know I just sounded bitchy just then but I’m not really like that, but if someone crosses me I do like revenge so watch out’.
And this is what makes it so sad. For all the protests that she’s not like that – ‘I’m an adult, what’s the point?’ – she so clearly is. But while I find it easy to understand Jordan’s nature, it’s harder to comprehend an interview I read in FHM (my barber takes it) with Page3 girl Michelle Marsh, already a natural double-F, she wants even bigger boobs so she can be just like Jordan. Weird.